Love never made sense to me.
Love has always been raw.
Just raw emotions, no logic.
To put it simply, I never understood it.
But you had me at hello.
Everything just made sense to me.
It was full of raw emotions.
But also full of logic.
And it made me happy that it made sense.
But now it no longer makes sense.
Therefore, I’m unhappy.
It was supposed to make sense.
It was supposed to be right.
So what happened?
So it’s been a while since I last talked about my dreams because most of them weren’t that interesting. I finally had another dream that is probably worth sharing in a while. So last night I had a nightmare. Funny how every time I had a nightmare and waking up on the wrong side of the bed (aka: waking up extra grumpy), things just would not work well for me that day. More reasons to hate nightmares.
Anyways, it was weird because in this nightmare, I wasn’t scared at all. It seemed pretty normal to me somehow. Like normal dreams go, I could not remember the beginning at all, but the part that I could remember was seeing some of my family members – I think there was my mum and my brother – and friends – I remember seeing John – and we were all in this giant mansion that looked slightly Renaissance-ish. The weird part was that we were all singing and playing games, until one of the games turned horrific and somehow involved a giant axe. I remember laughing in my dreams while hitting that axe on someone’s neck repeatedly. I seemed to keep winning all the games in the dream so I ended up killing everyone but the worst part is, I remember sitting on top of a woman (I could not remember who exactly), strangling the life out of her with my two hands, and her fingers were pressing onto the sides of my upper arms, trying to get me away. Yes, I was laughing while doing this.
I woke up not long after, feeling incredibly cranky and grumpy somehow. I didn’t think much of the dream until I was about to take a shower. After I took off my clothes, I realised that I have two bruises on both of my upper arms, most likely in the exact position where the woman was holding onto in my dreams.
One thing you should know about me, I don’t bruise easily. It’s not like I get random bruises when I wake up from my sleep. After I saw these bruises, I remembered the woman I was strangling in my dreams, and to be honest I was scared. The bruises have faded by the time I was writing this post, but this morning when I took a shower, they were really fresh and yellowish-green, and they hurt when I touched them.
So there we go, something creepy for your weekend. Any thoughts of this?
P.S.: I swear I didn’t kill anyone for real lol
Now I understand my doubts.
Why I kept wondering.
Because it was never there.
Everything is factual.
Just like ticking boxes.
You tick all the boxes on my checklist.
But I still feel something is not right.
But what do I feel?
And what do you feel?
Because I don’t know.
I just don’t know.
All the sweet attention.
All the returned kisses.
All the comfortable snugs.
And I still wonder, are we there yet?
Because the words haven’t appeared.
Should I keep walking?
Or should I wait and wonder?