When I look down, I see the world underneath me.
The world of uncertainty and novelty.
If I look back, I see the world that was with me.
The world of certainty and familiarity.
This time please just let me fall.
Fall deep, deep, deep, into the abyss.
Do you know what it’s like to feel like this?
I’m certain I’m sober, but I feel drunken.
I’m high above the clouds, yet I feel sunken.
This time please just let me stand tall.
Let me shout it loud, shout it proud.
That I am good enough, I am good enough.
I am at the tipping point.
I am at the breaking point.
I am good enough.
I am good enough.
Every step I take it feels like I’m walking on needles.
Step by step, it only hurts a little,
but then the wounds would not heal.
And all I can do is try not to feel.
Where should I go this time,
where should I walk to?
I want to see you later sometime,
but really will I be able to?
Every breath I take it feels like I’m inhaling needles.
It stabs through the heart but only a little,
but the deeper I breathe in, the more painful it feels,
please say it, tell me all of this is not real…
Say you love me again,
instead of saying her name.
Do you want to know a secret?
It is me.
No, I’m not.
Today is supposed to be four.
Didn’t really think of it before.
But we were no more.
And then my heart tore.
Once again the night is cold and lonely.
How many more nights can I bear this feeling?
The violet sky is falling.
The night is cold and lonely,
the darkness makes it hard to see.
But there’s warmth when you’re within,
just as warm as the touch of your skin.
Quietly enveloping its arms around you,
wasn’t sure if you felt it too.
But the night does not even wonder,
because at your touch, it felt better.
I walk alone in the streets,
because I can’t stand being alone in the sheets.
The sheets that still smells of you,
and the scent that won’t go away too.
The night is getting colder,
never realised I’m getting older.
How many days since it has passed?
Feels like my mind is in the past.
I’m not the spotlight, I’m just a shadow,
always behind you to watch you grow.
So when you look back, I’ll always be there,
to keep you away from your nightmare.
A shadow who will never walk away,
A shadow who will never let you astray.
In the dark night I will hold you tight,
like a silent knight protecting you with all my might.
Because I’m just a shadow.
In my dreams.
In these tunes.
It’s hard to breathe so let it be over.
Blast the drums in my ears.
So I can’t hear the sound of my fears.
And I can’t feel my own tears.
Tell me why is it so hard to breathe.
Shout and scream it out loud.
So I can’t hear my brain pound.
When I’m high above the cloud.
Let me crawl out of this skin to feel alive.
Please, someone scream to me,
so I can’t hear these thoughts in me.
An object is only the strongest at its weakest point.
feeling as light as a fairy feather.
There’s plenty of air,
but I can’t catch a breather.
Like sunken into the abyss,
I can’t feel my own breathing.
How can I escape from this,
when I don’t know what’s happening?
the air is hazy.
the air is heavy.
“Don’t forget to breathe,”
The tightly-shut eyes now can see,
as my feet step on the ground abruptly.
Balancing myself carefully,
orienting things surrounding me.
Breathe, breathe deeply.
“Don’t forget to breathe,”
How long do I have left until I’m floating again?
because I’m lost without you, but let me orient myself.
In between the cracks of the mirror I look at myself,
the shattered pieces make me look incomplete.
I touch it, carefully not to hurt myself,
but obviously, this broken mirror is obsolete.
What’s the use of looking at a broken mirror?
The broken reflection is not me.
“Stop touching it, the shattered pieces will hurt you.”
I hit the mirror with my fists.
The pieces fall, shattering and crumbling onto the floor.
They glint beautifully like sparkles.
And now what’s left is an open door.
My hands are bleeding from the shards,
but now I can replace it with a new mirror.
So I can stop seeing myself on a broken mirror,
and start seeing who I really am.
Let the broken mirror be replaced with a shiny new one,
so in the reflection I will be the only one.
and in the reflection I can see myself that I know.
And in this silent night,
let the moon be the witness,
let our love be without fight,
and let us just caress.
I want to make love to the sweet tune,
to the voice that belongs to you,
let our bodies be lit up by the moon,
and when this night ends I still belong to you.
The playful glide of my fingers,
softly exploring my skin,
I close my eyes and it lingers,
oh how I just want to let you in.
The sweet tickle on my lips,
as if yours are ghosting on them,
oh how I want to feel your kiss,
but don’t know when I can feel them.
It’s okay, love,
let me make love to myself tonight.
Feeling the high, my body feels light,
ah, is this how it would feel, love?
Sucking on the supple skin, I knew,
when I open my eyes, there won’t be you,
but it’s okay, I feel new,
yet it still feels like I’m making love to you.
Somewhere under the same moon,
are you making love to me too?
I’m facing the world of my own reality.
The world with my fears, joys, and fantasy.
You are the only one I see.
I wanted you to come with me.
But you see,
In the present reality,
We are really,
Like fire and wind.
You are my fire,
lights up my heart and warms up my soul.
I’m the wind,
floating around and flying free.
When the wind blows gently, it can put out the small fire.
But the wind can also make the fire bigger.
But with just the right amount of pressure,
we should be able to work together.
But the wind cannot stop moving to dock,
because I have nothing to hold on my fingers.
I wish you were here so we could stop the clock,
because the time is slipping off my fingers.
When did our discussions turn into arguments?
When did our playful teases turn into scars?
When did our pleasure turn into torment?
When did our love got lost in between the stars?
I’m floating endlessly in the air, wondering,
what happened to us, darling?
In that small gift box are all the memories of us,
so sometimes I can sit down and cherish us.
It’s okay, I’m walking slowly now,
But I won’t erase you, that’s my vow.
My world is mine and is only through my eyes.