Tick Tock

Tick. Tock.
can’t sleep.
Tick. Tock.
can’t breathe.
chaos chaos chaos
in my brain?
or wait.
is it in my heart?
chaos chaos chaos
rupture
like a tangled spiderweb.
fury.
chaos chaos chaos
fire in the hole!
then drowning.
Tick. Tock.
what the fuck am I even on about.

Advertisements
Tick Tock

Goodnight Goodnight

Waiting for the sun to rise only to have the urge to throw it back into the horizon,
because we are not allowed to meet under the light of sunshine.
Through the day I can just carry on,
waiting for the time that you can be all mine.

Episodes and hours passed by,
and suddenly I was greeted by the midnight moon light.
Ignoring the ache so it goes by,
I sneak into the blanket and turn off the light.

I close my eyes as I hold on to your note,
even then only your voice rings in my head.
The night is already dead,
cold inside this cote.

So good night, baby. Good night.
__________________________________

Goodnight Goodnight

Slip Away

Like these drops of water on the palm of my hands,
everyone is slipping away.
This wasn’t part of the plans,
much to my dismay.

The question is not “what happened?”,
but rather “why don’t they stay?”
Because now that it’s mentioned,
From me…I, too, would walk away.

I’m a tough wall with no ears,
I’m a soft ball with the tears.
And this further confirms my fears,
that I will be lonely in many years.

Maybe I am not good enough,
maybe I am undeserving.
Maybe I am rough,
maybe I am annoying.

If God is taking people away from me, maybe I never deserved them in the first place.
_____________________________
Maybe.

Slip Away

Thankful

The word “thankful” helps in every situations.
Good or bad.
There is always something to be thanked for.
For few people. And for some other people.

The good.
I’m thankful for the oddest chance to come across you.
I’m thankful for the opportunities to repetitively fix what has been damaged at times.
I’m thankful for the shared moments, spoken and unspoken.
I’m thankful for the patience that grew inside you to keep on dealing with me.
I’m thankful for the laughs and tears that we have shared.
I’m thankful for the things I have learned from you to improve myself.
I’m thankful that you were born.

The bad.
I’m thankful for the learning opportunity to cut toxic people like you off my life.
I’m thankful for the eye-opening chance to see who you truly are.
I’m thankful for the quick run, so I don’t have to heal for too long.
I’m thankful for the pain that I can recover from.
I’m thankful for the stupid things you say for my entertainment.
I’m thankful for the spot that you left for better people in my life.
I’m thankful that you left.

So thank you.
__________________________________
You know who you are, because I know.

Thankful

Mental Conversations

“Welcome to your first session. What has been bothering you lately?”

“Friends,”

“What about them?”

“I don’t know,”

“Do you have some?”

“Yes,”

“So why has it been bothering you?”

“Because I woke up after a long dream and realised that I know nothing,”

“Nothing?”

“What do I know? What do I not know?”

“And that has been bothering you?”

*shrugs* “I guess,”

“Have you talked it out?”

*shakes head* “I don’t know how,”

“How to…?”

“How to talk to them,”

“Well first, what would you like to know?”

“If our laughs were real,”

“Maybe they were real at that time,”

“I guess,”

“What else would you like to know?”

“Will we be able to laugh again in the future?”

“You will always be able to laugh with someone, anyone, even with another person, a better person,”

“I guess,”

“What is the last thing that you would like to know?”

“What do they speak of me when I’m not listening?”

____________________________________________
but the answer is only silence.

Mental Conversations