Clench

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

What if I say I’m not fine?
What if I hurt their feelings?
What if I am seen as selfish?

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

Well I have to be okay.
Just clench and deal with it.
It’s not important.

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

I want to whine.
I want to breakdown.
I want to cry.

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

Stop it, you’re being selfish now.
Just go to sleep.
It will be okay tomorrow.

“I guess I will be fine,”
slowly exhaling deeply,
releasing my tension.

______________________________
I just wanted to hear that it’s okay for me to breakdown for a mere 5 seconds. And a hug.

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Clench

Tick Tock

Tick. Tock.
can’t sleep.
Tick. Tock.
can’t breathe.
chaos chaos chaos
in my brain?
or wait.
is it in my heart?
chaos chaos chaos
rupture
like a tangled spiderweb.
fury.
chaos chaos chaos
fire in the hole!
then drowning.
Tick. Tock.
what the fuck am I even on about.

Tick Tock

Stardust

Amongst the still-glimmering stars in the night sky,

You came like a shooting star.

With an intensity so high,

Aiming to travel far.

You may be brief but you were bright,

Although your time has passed I remember your light.

__________________________________________

Even though the world was unjust,

You have no more worries, you’re a stardust.

Stardust

Awake

Have I ever told you why I hate closing my eyes and sleep?
Because I can reach out to you when I’m awake

When the nightmares are chasing me,
it’s easy to wake up because you are my reality

I used to live in the field of dreams,
but the reality is better than what it seems

Because you are there

I’m lying awake,
afraid of what will show up if I close my eyes.

I’m lying awake,
because I want to see you again.
___________________________________
Si vis amari, ama.

Awake

Prayer

A little girl prays on her knees,
begging to God that one day she will be cherished.
She prayed that as her hair grows to her knees,
her love would also have flourished.

After years, her dreams were shattered,
her heart was hurt,
its pieces were scattered,
her hair was cut short.

She hated God.

For years her hair was kept short,
and she built herself a fort.
She took herself for a fool,
oh how could God be so cruel?

She was told that she was worthless.
She believed that she was undeserving.

A worthless woman, undeserving of love.

So many people God took away from her,
He told her to patiently wait.
Then He sent a man to her,
a man who is set to be her fate.

A man who would cherish her.

As she grows her hair again,
her love will reign,
her love will not go in vain.
_________________________________
Because he made her believe in love and God again.

Prayer

Goodnight Goodnight

Waiting for the sun to rise only to have the urge to throw it back into the horizon,
because we are not allowed to meet under the light of sunshine.
Through the day I can just carry on,
waiting for the time that you can be all mine.

Episodes and hours passed by,
and suddenly I was greeted by the midnight moon light.
Ignoring the ache so it goes by,
I sneak into the blanket and turn off the light.

I close my eyes as I hold on to your note,
even then only your voice rings in my head.
The night is already dead,
cold inside this cote.

So good night, baby. Good night.
__________________________________

Goodnight Goodnight

Slip Away

Like these drops of water on the palm of my hands,
everyone is slipping away.
This wasn’t part of the plans,
much to my dismay.

The question is not “what happened?”,
but rather “why don’t they stay?”
Because now that it’s mentioned,
From me…I, too, would walk away.

I’m a tough wall with no ears,
I’m a soft ball with the tears.
And this further confirms my fears,
that I will be lonely in many years.

Maybe I am not good enough,
maybe I am undeserving.
Maybe I am rough,
maybe I am annoying.

If God is taking people away from me, maybe I never deserved them in the first place.
_____________________________
Maybe.

Slip Away