Dear Verene

I always thought I left you back in 2006,
but you’ve always managed to return to me even in 2008, 2014, and this year.
As much as I’m comfortable with your familiar presence,
I can no longer welcome you.

You’ve always managed to subtly sneak into my door,
then you take your storms inside my home.
Though sometimes it has filled me with something to hear and feel,
did you realise how many flowers you’ve killed?

I can no longer allow you to step in to my home.

Because unlike before,
I have everything I need in my home.
And guess what,
I have everything you wished for.

And I won’t let you take it from me.

As much as I know that 2006 was painful for you,
that is where your home is.
This time, I’m leaving you there for good.
And I’m going to enjoy my blessings.

So thank you for your company all this time,
thank you for being the force that puts me to where I am today,
but I no longer need your service.

Goodbye, Verene.

___________________________________

With this, I will not let you partake in my future.

Dear Verene

Steps

Clutching on my bag, I walk home,
The golden sky watches over my shoulder.
The gust of wind ensures that I’m not alone,
With each step I take, I get closer.

98, 99, 100

With home still out of sight,
Only birds and trees on the right,
Although the day is turning to night,
Nothing in my way can deter my might.

498, 499, 500

Some rocks have gotten into my shoes,
Scraping the soles of my foot,
But there have been more things I have withstood,
This far in I have nothing else to lose.

998, 999, 1000

I can hear the melody of your laughter,
I’m not there yet, but I can still roam,
Taking further steps to the next chapter,
Looking forward to the next time I go home.

__________________________________________________________________________
You are my home.

Steps

Her Eyes

She worked a job with no past experience,
no university degrees to help her excel,
devoting her life to raise good people,
trying to make just a little difference.

She’s a human being with flaws,
but she’s only doing her best.
She always says she is blessed,
because she has me as her cause.

We agree on some things,
about people and spreading kindness.
We disagree on many things,
about the world and about ourselves.

Emotions are hard to keep,
even though we try hard to ignore.
In silence she did not weep,
but the weight of pain in her eyes she bore.

In her flaws she is still perfection,
as no one could have done her job better than her.
She guided me in to the right direction,
even though I end up in a different place from her.

In her eyes there was still disappointment,
not of me, but of herself.
Despite her flaws, she did nothing wrong,
and there are no reasons for me to be gone.

She is weeping silently through her eyes,
but I only pray to God, someday please bring back her smile.

______________________________________________
Even if the rest of my life is an atonement
for breaking her heart.

Her Eyes

Innocence

Hey there, little girl.
You may think you’re not doing well,
and the world is going against you.
Keep holding on,
you will get there.
It won’t be an easy path,
you will have your heart ripped out,
stepped on,
broken into pieces,
to the point you feel numb.
You will learn to fight,
to forgive,
and to let go.
They can forcibly take your flower crown,
but don’t let them take your innocence.

Innocence

Gift

“What would you like to get as your birthday gift?”
The thing is I never prepared an answer for this.

A gift is a sincere thought.
That the gifter sees this item and thought,
“she will love this” or “this is just the thing for her”

The best part of receiving a gift is the suspense as you open the wrapping,
wondering what this person decided to give.
It could range from anything cheap and useful, to something branded and expensive.
But you would never know unless you decide to open the wrapping.

I have asked God for many gifts,
many gifts that He decided not to give.
Not because He did not want to give,
but because He has a better gift.

A gift that He knew would be just the best for me.
A gift that was unexpected when I unwrapped it, but God knew that I will love.
A gift that God knew that I will take care of.

A gift that will last a lifetime.

An early birthday gift for me,
is the day you were born.
______________________________________
Happy birthday.

Gift

Puzzle

Two imperfect pieces,
with different grooves and edges.
Each were not broken nor incomplete,
each were perfectly neat.

Where one was lacking, the other had more,
and in that empty space, they meet.
Like the perfect snug, they fit.
No need to search for a missing piece anymore.

Put together, pulled apart through time,
and distance that is far.
No matter how pulled apart they are,
they will be put together in time.

Because they are the imperfect pieces that fit perfectly only with each other.

_____________________________________________
And when they are together, everything makes sense again.

Puzzle

Prayer

A little girl prays on her knees,
begging to God that one day she will be cherished.
She prayed that as her hair grows to her knees,
her love would also have flourished.

After years, her dreams were shattered,
her heart was hurt,
its pieces were scattered,
her hair was cut short.

She hated God.

For years her hair was kept short,
and she built herself a fort.
She took herself for a fool,
oh how could God be so cruel?

She was told that she was worthless.
She believed that she was undeserving.

A worthless woman, undeserving of love.

So many people God took away from her,
He told her to patiently wait.
Then He sent a man to her,
a man who is set to be her fate.

A man who would cherish her.

As she grows her hair again,
her love will reign,
her love will not go in vain.
_________________________________
Because he made her believe in love and God again.

Prayer

Thankful

The word “thankful” helps in every situations.
Good or bad.
There is always something to be thanked for.
For few people. And for some other people.

The good.
I’m thankful for the oddest chance to come across you.
I’m thankful for the opportunities to repetitively fix what has been damaged at times.
I’m thankful for the shared moments, spoken and unspoken.
I’m thankful for the patience that grew inside you to keep on dealing with me.
I’m thankful for the laughs and tears that we have shared.
I’m thankful for the things I have learned from you to improve myself.
I’m thankful that you were born.

The bad.
I’m thankful for the learning opportunity to cut toxic people like you off my life.
I’m thankful for the eye-opening chance to see who you truly are.
I’m thankful for the quick run, so I don’t have to heal for too long.
I’m thankful for the pain that I can recover from.
I’m thankful for the stupid things you say for my entertainment.
I’m thankful for the spot that you left for better people in my life.
I’m thankful that you left.

So thank you.
__________________________________
You know who you are, because I know.

Thankful