Wide Awake

Lying on the edge of my bed, I breathe.
Looking at the time, oh what time is it?
It’s 4:16 am and I am wide awake.
Staring at the ceiling, oh what is it?

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Wait, was it all a dream or is this real?
It was like a dream, that’s what I feel.
A long dream, or was it even a nightmare?
I don’t even have anymore thoughts to spare.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

The ceiling fan spinning at a constant speed.
Well, not like what we had when we started.
Even my heartbeat was at a constant speed.
Well, not like what I felt when we started.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Gripping the blanket tightly,
forcing myself to go to sleep.
I can’t even make myself weep,
just staring the ceiling continuously.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Ha. You disgust me.
There, I said it.
I scoffed.
Wow. You disgust me.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Oh hey let’s see what time it is.
It’s 4:26 am and I am wide awake.
How long are you gonna keep this?
Hup, hup, come on it’s time to wake.

Wakey, wakey.
“I know the truth now,
I know who you are,
and I don’t love you anymore,”
– Evanescence “Everybody’s Fool”

Wide Awake


I can hear the chains clanking off my back,
my wings are still weak but I still remember how to fly.
I swear I felt like I was about to die,
but now I will fly far and never look back.

The gust of air screams freedom,
and once again, I could be me.
But there is still something that bothers me,
and prevents me from enjoying this freedom.

I want to rip that sweet facade off your face.

Everyone was right, I didn’t belong there,
but I could fly home now.
I wanted to keep my vow,
to be with you I chose to stay there.

But god I was dying.
I floated but the air was still suffocating.

Those sweet, sweet promises,
chained me to the lands of uncertainty.
Those sweet, sweet kisses,
locked me to the heart of improbability.

The pain is still there from the chains,
but I can breathe again now.
I guess I was right,
I had to wait for you to unleash the chains.

I’m no slave, I’m free.
Was that how you wanted to treat me?
Fuck, I guess I was a slave to your love,
oh that’s right, wasn’t that how we began, love?

Funny how our world never was and never will be.
No matter how much I wished for it to be.
Through heaven and hell I went back,
but no, this time I’m not going back.

Let me live in my freedom.
And let me laugh through my red lips.


Your Fool

That beautiful facade,
I foolishly fell in love with.
Oh, honey, I am a fool.
But god damn it I’m your fool.

I look in the mirror and I laugh,
“How did you get so far off?”
So far deep, deep down,
wearing the fool’s crown?

Laugh, laugh, laugh.
Admit it, this is funny.

Your chaos behind your facade.
How much time do you have before you fall apart?

Accept it, this is a domino game.
The stack of cards won’t stop falling over.
If you seriously think this is a game,
shouldn’t it be time that it’s game over?

If I have a question to ask more,
do you even know yourself anymore?
“Without the mask,
where will you hide?
Can’t find yourself,
lost in your lies,”
– Evanescence “Everybody’s Fool”

Your Fool

Prickling Needles

Every step I take it feels like I’m walking on needles.
Step by step, it only hurts a little,
but then the wounds would not heal.
And all I can do is try not to feel.

Where should I go this time,
where should I walk to?
I want to see you later sometime,
but really will I be able to?

Every breath I take it feels like I’m inhaling needles.
It stabs through the heart but only a little,
but the deeper I breathe in, the more painful it feels,
please say it, tell me all of this is not real…
Say you love me again,
instead of saying her name.

Prickling Needles

Dark Night

The night is cold and lonely,
the darkness makes it hard to see.
But there’s warmth when you’re within,
just as warm as the touch of your skin.

Quietly enveloping its arms around you,
wasn’t sure if you felt it too.
But the night does not even wonder,
because at your touch, it felt better.

I walk alone in the streets,
because I can’t stand being alone in the sheets.
The sheets that still smells of you,
and the scent that won’t go away too.

The night is getting colder,
never realised I’m getting older.
How many days since it has passed?
Feels like my mind is in the past.

I’m not the spotlight, I’m just a shadow,
always behind you to watch you grow.
So when you look back, I’ll always be there,
to keep you away from your nightmare.

A shadow who will never walk away,
A shadow who will never let you astray.
In the dark night I will hold you tight,
like a silent knight protecting you with all my might.

Because I’m just a shadow.

Dark Night