Just a bit more.

You wake up to your alarm,
then get yourself showered,
have an egg on toast that tastes like nothing,
like you haven’t been able to taste anything in the last few weeks,
you try to put on a smile to kickstart your day at work,
but really you know you can burst into tears anytime over nothing,
you try to make yourself look cute,
but really you’ve hated all your clothes lately,
just like you’ve hated your body again,
but here you are, on your way to work,
not for the money,
but for the desperate hope that you can feel something trying to do good for others.
So here you are, again, trying just a bit more.

Just a bit more.

Prayer

A little girl prays on her knees,
begging to God that one day she will be cherished.
She prayed that as her hair grows to her knees,
her love would also have flourished.

After years, her dreams were shattered,
her heart was hurt,
its pieces were scattered,
her hair was cut short.

She hated God.

For years her hair was kept short,
and she built herself a fort.
She took herself for a fool,
oh how could God be so cruel?

She was told that she was worthless.
She believed that she was undeserving.

A worthless woman, undeserving of love.

So many people God took away from her,
He told her to patiently wait.
Then He sent a man to her,
a man who is set to be her fate.

A man who would cherish her.

As she grows her hair again,
her love will reign,
her love will not go in vain.
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Because he made her believe in love and God again.

Prayer

Thankful

The word “thankful” helps in every situations.
Good or bad.
There is always something to be thanked for.
For few people. And for some other people.

The good.
I’m thankful for the oddest chance to come across you.
I’m thankful for the opportunities to repetitively fix what has been damaged at times.
I’m thankful for the shared moments, spoken and unspoken.
I’m thankful for the patience that grew inside you to keep on dealing with me.
I’m thankful for the laughs and tears that we have shared.
I’m thankful for the things I have learned from you to improve myself.
I’m thankful that you were born.

The bad.
I’m thankful for the learning opportunity to cut toxic people like you off my life.
I’m thankful for the eye-opening chance to see who you truly are.
I’m thankful for the quick run, so I don’t have to heal for too long.
I’m thankful for the pain that I can recover from.
I’m thankful for the stupid things you say for my entertainment.
I’m thankful for the spot that you left for better people in my life.
I’m thankful that you left.

So thank you.
__________________________________
You know who you are, because I know.

Thankful

Dreamcatcher

All sorts of dreams used to lurk in my brain when I sleep.
Weird, happy, scary dreams.
I don’t know why but my brain does that.

But recently, they stopped.
I can no longer have dreams.

I thought it was because I got a dreamcatcher, but…
it wasn’t the dreamcatcher, it was you.

Because everything that I could only dream of, you made it true.
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The moment I realised you are my dreamcatcher.

Dreamcatcher

Memory Room

I’ve always thought memories are funny,
I forget but I remember.
Sometimes I feel like a dummy,
but sometimes I feel better.

In this small memory room,
there’s us.
Letting our feelings bloom,
it’s just us.

You fill my memory room like no other.
Even if everything else floods out,
I don’t even want to bother.
Because you free me from the drought.

So…stay.
Forever, if you may.
_____________________________________
Because this memory room can only fit us.

Memory Room

Fall

I love heights.
And I love purposely falling off of a high place.

“You’re crazy,” they say.
They who never felt it and who never will.

I love it. It makes me free.
Freefalling had never felt so good until you see the horizon curved under your body.

It’s magnificent. Enthralling. Addictive.

I love you.
And I love falling in love with you more every single day.

“You’re crazy,” they say.
They who never felt it and who never will.

I love it. It makes me free.
Falling had never felt so good until it is for you.

After all, you’re magnificent. Enthralling. Addictive.

________________________________________________
I love you.

Fall

Mine

If only you knew,
how possessive I am of you.

You are mine. Mine.

My head is like a fully grown, mature adult, who knows how to trust.
But my heart is like a 4 year old child getting her candy taken away.

You are mine. Mine.

I want you whole.
I want to leave marks on every inch of you so everyone knows you are mine.

Your eyes. Mine. Please only look at me.
Your smile. Mine. Please smile more for me.
Your chest. Mine. Please only let me rest my head there.
Your arms. Mine. Please only protect me with those arms.
Your feet. Mine. Please only walk by my side.

Your heart. Mine. Please only beat faster for me.
Your lips. Mine. Please only kiss me.

You are mine. Mine.

And I am all yours.
_________________________________________________
Possessive.

Mine

Post-Exam Madness

Well, hello there, my friends! (You, you know who you are)

So I’ve been pretty much on a hiatus for the past 2 weeks or so and it was due to my exam period. I only had two exams, but since these two will be my last exams in the undergraduate program (cue complaints-about-how-freaking-old-i-feel in 3…2…), I had to make sure I was studying properly. 

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This was an old photo when I was stressing out with final assignments, but this photo pretty much represents my condition while studying for exams anyway…

So my exams went pretty well, I’d say. There was this weird feeling of “is-this-how-freedom-feels-like” when I walked out of the last exam. From now on I’ll be doing things such as getting ready to move out, preparing for my graduation, ordering my graduation dress, waiting for my Masters degree offer (fingers crossed I’ll get it!)…

People do different things after they had just finished their final (final) exams, some people have a feast in a good quality restaurant, some people drink until they pass out, some people party hard or go pub crawling…and then there are some people like me. 

Right after my exam, I went straight to my K-pop dance class and jammed like nuts because I’ve been missing the classes for a week to focus on my study. It was the perfect moment that we learned Teen Top’s “Crazy” for the casual class. After the classes were over, John (my dance mentor) said that we should go out today and do some filming on random spots in Brisbane city for our promotional video. Erin, Dayne, Emily, and I were available today so we just decided that we will meet up in the city at 11 am.

While we were talking about our plans on Facebook last night, I just thought of something fun. You see, today was supposed to be a National Pyjamas Day (http://www.pyjamaday.com), so my friend who is a volunteer for the Pyjama Foundation told me about it and I was so keen so I told my friends that we should totally shoot some public k-pop dancing videos in our pyjamas. In the end, only Emily joined me in her disguised pyjamas though. I rocked my hot red penguin pyjamas and bunny ears, dancing K-pop songs in public. 

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You can see a bit of my pyjamas (and John’s face) here

Why? Well, because why the hell not.

We were pretty concerned this morning because it rained pretty much the whole night and day today, but we didn’t give up and insisted to continue with our video shooting (it didn’t rain that hard anyway, who are you to rain on my parade!)! I’ll post the video up when we’ve got it edited and good to go 🙂 Dayne helped us with the recording, and then Vitale and Taichi also joined us for some good fun! Oh, and Taichi also wore his sleeping attire, but not as bright as my pyjamas though. 

Honestly, I was worrying a lot when I left my house, but then the longer the time went, the more I went “ah well, whatever”. I noticed a lot of WTF stares from people, there was even this girl who tried to flick my bunny ears when I went to Coles (to buy a bottle of water). Then the sweet Coles cashier girl smiled really brightly and said “Your bunny ears are so cute! And your hair looks awesome!” and that just really made my day. One more reason to love Brisbane: the random comments you get from strangers when you stand out in public.

Good things really do happen when you don’t care what other people think and you just know that you’re having fun with your great friends 🙂 So here’s a snapshot of us today (courtesy of Erin’s camera)

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Top row (left-right): Taichi, me, Dayne, Vitale
Bottom row (left-right): Emily, John, Erin

From now on I’ll try to be more active here, you’ll see! Good night!

 

Post-Exam Madness

Finally, an official post!

Guess who’s VERY late to join the wordpress blogosphere? ME. I’ve been using Blogger for…I don’t know how many years now. Probably since I was in 8th grade, which was about 9 years ago? I’ve been going in and out of Blogger, having random hiatuses when I was feeling like it.

The thing is, I’ve never had many viewers in Blogger, and I just realised, “why don’t I move to wordpress?” So I did. My previous recent posts were taken from my Blogger, they were my most recent posts to date as they were written this year. They sound quite…dark, don’t they?

I’m trying to change the concept of my blog so I can make it more interesting to be able to attract more viewers. I hope it’s working.

So…why today? Why, out of all days, must I create this blog today, just one day before my assignment deadline? Not because I’ve finished my assignment (well, technically), but because WHY NOT?

I swear, WHY NOT will be forever my motto. I’ve done a lot of amazing things out of my comfort zone because of this motto. No regrets!

So yeah, I have an assignment due tomorrow night, but I’m about 90% finished anyway. My assignment is 3,500-word long and it consists of three parts: an applied report, a literature review, and a self reflection about the assignment. Can you guess what I’m studying? I’m going to answer that for you: Psychology.

Please, for the love of God, I can’t read your mind. …Or can I? 😉

Anyways, I need to get back to this assignment because I have nothing else interesting to write about at the moment. Watch this space!

 

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Back to assignment!
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