“What would you like to get as your birthday gift?”
The thing is I never prepared an answer for this.
A gift is a sincere thought.
That the gifter sees this item and thought,
“she will love this” or “this is just the thing for her”
The best part of receiving a gift is the suspense as you open the wrapping,
wondering what this person decided to give.
It could range from anything cheap and useful, to something branded and expensive.
But you would never know unless you decide to open the wrapping.
I have asked God for many gifts,
many gifts that He decided not to give.
Not because He did not want to give,
but because He has a better gift.
A gift that He knew would be just the best for me.
A gift that was unexpected when I unwrapped it, but God knew that I will love.
A gift that God knew that I will take care of.
A gift that will last a lifetime.
An early birthday gift for me,
is the day you were born.
Two imperfect pieces,
with different grooves and edges.
Each were not broken nor incomplete,
each were perfectly neat.
Where one was lacking, the other had more,
and in that empty space, they meet.
Like the perfect snug, they fit.
No need to search for a missing piece anymore.
Put together, pulled apart through time,
and distance that is far.
No matter how pulled apart they are,
they will be put together in time.
Because they are the imperfect pieces that fit perfectly only with each other.
And when they are together, everything makes sense again.
A little girl prays on her knees,
begging to God that one day she will be cherished.
She prayed that as her hair grows to her knees,
her love would also have flourished.
After years, her dreams were shattered,
her heart was hurt,
its pieces were scattered,
her hair was cut short.
She hated God.
For years her hair was kept short,
and she built herself a fort.
She took herself for a fool,
oh how could God be so cruel?
She was told that she was worthless.
She believed that she was undeserving.
A worthless woman, undeserving of love.
So many people God took away from her,
He told her to patiently wait.
Then He sent a man to her,
a man who is set to be her fate.
A man who would cherish her.
As she grows her hair again,
her love will reign,
her love will not go in vain.
Because he made her believe in love and God again.
Waiting for the sun to rise only to have the urge to throw it back into the horizon,
because we are not allowed to meet under the light of sunshine.
Through the day I can just carry on,
waiting for the time that you can be all mine.
Episodes and hours passed by,
and suddenly I was greeted by the midnight moon light.
Ignoring the ache so it goes by,
I sneak into the blanket and turn off the light.
I close my eyes as I hold on to your note,
even then only your voice rings in my head.
The night is already dead,
cold inside this cote.
So good night, baby. Good night.
Like these drops of water on the palm of my hands,
everyone is slipping away.
This wasn’t part of the plans,
much to my dismay.
The question is not “what happened?”,
but rather “why don’t they stay?”
Because now that it’s mentioned,
From me…I, too, would walk away.
I’m a tough wall with no ears,
I’m a soft ball with the tears.
And this further confirms my fears,
that I will be lonely in many years.
Maybe I am not good enough,
maybe I am undeserving.
Maybe I am rough,
maybe I am annoying.
If God is taking people away from me, maybe I never deserved them in the first place.
Because for something that looks so beautiful
like those endless glassy smiles on your faces
maggots crawl through your cracks
and smells that are more raw than faeces.
Never trust a smile on the first glance.
As fragile as hearts.
As vulnerable as hearts.
Because when a promise is broken, so is a heart.