Clench

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

What if I say I’m not fine?
What if I hurt their feelings?
What if I am seen as selfish?

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

Well I have to be okay.
Just clench and deal with it.
It’s not important.

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

I want to whine.
I want to breakdown.
I want to cry.

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

Stop it, you’re being selfish now.
Just go to sleep.
It will be okay tomorrow.

“I guess I will be fine,”
slowly exhaling deeply,
releasing my tension.

______________________________
I just wanted to hear that it’s okay for me to breakdown for a mere 5 seconds. And a hug.

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Clench

Tick Tock

Tick. Tock.
can’t sleep.
Tick. Tock.
can’t breathe.
chaos chaos chaos
in my brain?
or wait.
is it in my heart?
chaos chaos chaos
rupture
like a tangled spiderweb.
fury.
chaos chaos chaos
fire in the hole!
then drowning.
Tick. Tock.
what the fuck am I even on about.

Tick Tock

Stardust

Amongst the still-glimmering stars in the night sky,

You came like a shooting star.

With an intensity so high,

Aiming to travel far.

You may be brief but you were bright,

Although your time has passed I remember your light.

__________________________________________

Even though the world was unjust,

You have no more worries, you’re a stardust.

Stardust

Steps

Clutching on my bag, I walk home,
The golden sky watches over my shoulder.
The gust of wind ensures that I’m not alone,
With each step I take, I get closer.

98, 99, 100

With home still out of sight,
Only birds and trees on the right,
Although the day is turning to night,
Nothing in my way can deter my might.

498, 499, 500

Some rocks have gotten into my shoes,
Scraping the soles of my foot,
But there have been more things I have withstood,
This far in I have nothing else to lose.

998, 999, 1000

I can hear the melody of your laughter,
I’m not there yet, but I can still roam,
Taking further steps to the next chapter,
Looking forward to the next time I go home.

__________________________________________________________________________
You are my home.

Steps

Her Eyes

She worked a job with no past experience,
no university degrees to help her excel,
devoting her life to raise good people,
trying to make just a little difference.

She’s a human being with flaws,
but she’s only doing her best.
She always says she is blessed,
because she has me as her cause.

We agree on some things,
about people and spreading kindness.
We disagree on many things,
about the world and about ourselves.

Emotions are hard to keep,
even though we try hard to ignore.
In silence she did not weep,
but the weight of pain in her eyes she bore.

In her flaws she is still perfection,
as no one could have done her job better than her.
She guided me in to the right direction,
even though I end up in a different place from her.

In her eyes there was still disappointment,
not of me, but of herself.
Despite her flaws, she did nothing wrong,
and there are no reasons for me to be gone.

She is weeping silently through her eyes,
but I only pray to God, someday please bring back her smile.

______________________________________________
Even if the rest of my life is an atonement
for breaking her heart.

Her Eyes

Puzzle

Two imperfect pieces,
with different grooves and edges.
Each were not broken nor incomplete,
each were perfectly neat.

Where one was lacking, the other had more,
and in that empty space, they meet.
Like the perfect snug, they fit.
No need to search for a missing piece anymore.

Put together, pulled apart through time,
and distance that is far.
No matter how pulled apart they are,
they will be put together in time.

Because they are the imperfect pieces that fit perfectly only with each other.

_____________________________________________
And when they are together, everything makes sense again.

Puzzle

Awake

Have I ever told you why I hate closing my eyes and sleep?
Because I can reach out to you when I’m awake

When the nightmares are chasing me,
it’s easy to wake up because you are my reality

I used to live in the field of dreams,
but the reality is better than what it seems

Because you are there

I’m lying awake,
afraid of what will show up if I close my eyes.

I’m lying awake,
because I want to see you again.
___________________________________
Si vis amari, ama.

Awake