A Letter From the Future

Dear 18-years-old me,

How are you?
I hope things have been well with you.
I am you, 10 years in the future.
I’ve only recently turned 28, so I thought I would write this letter to you, maybe we can sit down and have a nice chat over a cup of hazelnut latte.

First of all, you’d still love this drink. However, you will also start to learn how to love earl grey tea and even cocktails.

Secondly, congratulations on making it into the start of your adulthood. I know you have gone through a lot in the previous years. Unlike what you thought back then, I can guarantee you you’d still make it past the age of 25.

I know you think you have learned a lot from life and you know a lot of stuff, but I will try to convince you to be humble and keep learning. Not just from books or online, but also from the people around you. It is okay for you not to know about everything yet, because we will never know about everything.

I’d also like to let you know that you will go through some soul-searching journeys. You will live freely and unapologetically, just like how you have always wanted. You would explore everything and colour your hair firetruck red, just like how you have always wanted. You will eat, shop, travel, and dance however you wanted. You will be amazed at how many of your friends actually would stick through your antics, because they are amazing friends.

You will also learn how to apologise, because sorry is the hardest word. But by the time you learned how to apologise, you have lived freely and selfishly enough. You have also hurt some people along the way, unintentionally. You will learn that owning up to your mistakes and accepting your flaws is incredibly difficult, but you will find that others are surprisingly very forgiving.

You will learn how to share and forgive others. I know, I know it’s hard. I mean, you never had any siblings close to your age to share your stuff with. You will learn how to have a sister – especially how to share, give, and protect her.

For the next few years, you will still have those insecurities about your body. I know, this one was a tough one. In fact, I’m still actively working on this one. But so you know, what if instead of hating on your body, punishing it, and wishing that you will be slimmer, you can actually learn to love it, and exercise because you love it. Shocking, huh? There are actually so many things you can thank your body for. For it’s sturdiness, flexibility, and strength. Until now, your bones are never broken, you never needed to be hospitalised, you can still enjoy dancing, and you will always be able to find your size in stores. You will learn that you are quite privileged, so you can learn to be more humble.

I know you have had your fair share of heartbreaks, but believe me when I say you will learn a lot more. You will learn that your previous feelings of love was only because you wanted someone to fill in the big hole you had in your heart. You were not crazy, you were looking for love in the wrong places. But, from the heartbreak you will also learn how to appreciate and respect yourself more.

Last but not least, you will learn how to love and how to receive love. Not like how you have always been trying to do, but to truly love. You will learn to sacrifice and to listen to others better. You will no longer need to try to survive by prioritising your needs over others, but you will learn to thrive and give to others. Remember what papa said, whatever you give will come back to you. I promise you, there is someone who will return your love. It does not grow overnight, and you will go through many hurdles to be with this person. But you will find that this person is worth everything.

So I would like to tell you to keep pushing through. You are a stronger person than you think you are. Throw away that knife and never take them again because they will do you no good and you will not find love that way. Learn to fall in love with yourself, flaws and all. I’ll be waiting for you in 10 years’ time.

Yours sincerely,

You.

______________________

And also you will be working at your dream job but hey I don’t want to spoil the fun.

A Letter From the Future

Soliloquy

I understand.
When you said it feels lonely.
I understand.
We’ve never wiped each other’s tears.

Like you said,
you only have me.
But you need to know,
I only have you, too.

So why aren’t we hugging more?
Hell, why aren’t we fighting more?
Why don’t we try harder and get closer?
In the end, we both just don’t want to get hurt.

Maybe I am trying to create a fight.
Maybe I am trying to piss you off.
Maybe I am looking for your attention.
Maybe I am wanting to be closer to you.

But I guess I’m not doing it right.
Because as far as I can see,
Your wall gets even higher than before,
surrounded by an unbreakable spell I can’t speak.

________________________

So what’s left for me to do?

Soliloquy

Dear Verene

I always thought I left you back in 2006,
but you’ve always managed to return to me even in 2008, 2014, and this year.
As much as I’m comfortable with your familiar presence,
I can no longer welcome you.

You’ve always managed to subtly sneak into my door,
then you take your storms inside my home.
Though sometimes it has filled me with something to hear and feel,
did you realise how many flowers you’ve killed?

I can no longer allow you to step in to my home.

Because unlike before,
I have everything I need in my home.
And guess what,
I have everything you wished for.

And I won’t let you take it from me.

As much as I know that 2006 was painful for you,
that is where your home is.
This time, I’m leaving you there for good.
And I’m going to enjoy my blessings.

So thank you for your company all this time,
thank you for being the force that puts me to where I am today,
but I no longer need your service.

Goodbye, Verene.

___________________________________

With this, I will not let you partake in my future.

Dear Verene

Clench

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

What if I say I’m not fine?
What if I hurt their feelings?
What if I am seen as selfish?

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

Well I have to be okay.
Just clench and deal with it.
It’s not important.

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

I want to whine.
I want to breakdown.
I want to cry.

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

Stop it, you’re being selfish now.
Just go to sleep.
It will be okay tomorrow.

“I guess I will be fine,”
slowly exhaling deeply,
releasing my tension.

______________________________
I just wanted to hear that it’s okay for me to breakdown for a mere 5 seconds. And a hug.

Clench

Home

As I close the door
to set my steps on the world
I took a glance back
but was more excited on the view of what was coming

I have wandered
I have challenged
I have been afraid
I have been curious
but
I have their faith
I have their trust

Every step forward I have taken
has only been possible because of the safe security of home

Because no matter how far I go
Their love never cease to exist

____________________________
Because I am blessed with the kindest home.

Home

Stardust

Amongst the still-glimmering stars in the night sky,

You came like a shooting star.

With an intensity so high,

Aiming to travel far.

You may be brief but you were bright,

Although your time has passed I remember your light.

__________________________________________

Even though the world was unjust,

You have no more worries, you’re a stardust.

Stardust