Wide Awake

Lying on the edge of my bed, I breathe.
Looking at the time, oh what time is it?
It’s 4:16 am and I am wide awake.
Staring at the ceiling, oh what is it?

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Wait, was it all a dream or is this real?
It was like a dream, that’s what I feel.
A long dream, or was it even a nightmare?
I don’t even have anymore thoughts to spare.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

The ceiling fan spinning at a constant speed.
Well, not like what we had when we started.
Even my heartbeat was at a constant speed.
Well, not like what I felt when we started.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Gripping the blanket tightly,
forcing myself to go to sleep.
I can’t even make myself weep,
just staring the ceiling continuously.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Ha. You disgust me.
There, I said it.
I scoffed.
Wow. You disgust me.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Oh hey let’s see what time it is.
It’s 4:26 am and I am wide awake.
How long are you gonna keep this?
Hup, hup, come on it’s time to wake.

Wakey, wakey.
______________________________
“I know the truth now,
I know who you are,
and I don’t love you anymore,”
– Evanescence “Everybody’s Fool”

Advertisements
Wide Awake

Prickling Needles

Every step I take it feels like I’m walking on needles.
Step by step, it only hurts a little,
but then the wounds would not heal.
And all I can do is try not to feel.

Where should I go this time,
where should I walk to?
I want to see you later sometime,
but really will I be able to?

Every breath I take it feels like I’m inhaling needles.
It stabs through the heart but only a little,
but the deeper I breathe in, the more painful it feels,
please say it, tell me all of this is not real…
__________________________________
Say you love me again,
instead of saying her name.

Prickling Needles

Dark Night

The night is cold and lonely,
the darkness makes it hard to see.
But there’s warmth when you’re within,
just as warm as the touch of your skin.

Quietly enveloping its arms around you,
wasn’t sure if you felt it too.
But the night does not even wonder,
because at your touch, it felt better.

I walk alone in the streets,
because I can’t stand being alone in the sheets.
The sheets that still smells of you,
and the scent that won’t go away too.

The night is getting colder,
never realised I’m getting older.
How many days since it has passed?
Feels like my mind is in the past.

I’m not the spotlight, I’m just a shadow,
always behind you to watch you grow.
So when you look back, I’ll always be there,
to keep you away from your nightmare.

A shadow who will never walk away,
A shadow who will never let you astray.
In the dark night I will hold you tight,
like a silent knight protecting you with all my might.

___________________________________
Because I’m just a shadow.

Dark Night

Drown Me

Drown me.
In my dreams.
In these tunes.

It’s hard to breathe so let it be over.

Blast the drums in my ears.
So I can’t hear the sound of my fears.
And I can’t feel my own tears.

Tell me why is it so hard to breathe.

Shout and scream it out loud.
So I can’t hear my brain pound.
When I’m high above the cloud.

Let me crawl out of this skin to feel alive.

Please, someone scream to me,
so I can’t hear these thoughts in me.
Drown me.
____________________________________
An object is only the strongest at its weakest point.

Drown Me

So Long and Good Night

Sitting on my bed, I wonder,
keep feeling like I should be doing something.
Staring at my phone, I ponder,
but why am I not doing anything?

I just stare, stare, stare,
hoping that your name would appear.
But no matter how much I stare,
you just wouldn’t appear.

“How was your day?”
“Did you have fun today?”
“What are you doing?”
I was looking for those…or anything.

Nil.

Staring blankly at the screen, I wonder,
are you asking these questions to her?
The questions that you used to ask me,
and the words of love that you used to say to me.

Staring blankly at the wall, I ponder,
is your heart beating faster for her?
The heart that used to beat fast for me,
the warmth creeping up your cheeks that I couldn’t even see.

At this time of the day,
I used to be able to have you in my head,
but at this time of the day,
I could only feel that my heart is dead.

Your sweet voice when you said “I love you” for the first time,
keeps bouncing around my head.
Beating up my heart.
Because I could only hear it that one time.

As many times as I repeat your voice,
wishing that it was you whispering in my ears,
it slowly turned into a mere noise,
because it was covered by the sound of my tears.

Those three words used to be mine,
on a bad day I would hear it and I would be fine,
but those three words are no longer mine,
even when it once was mine.

If I can make a wish,
it would be for us to see each other again.
And we can kiss,
and love each other again.

But tonight it is just me in my lonely bed.
Putting myself to sleep.
Facing the side of my bed.
Letting myself weep.

And I say to myself, “Good night. Sweet dreams.”

So Long and Good Night