Wide Awake

Lying on the edge of my bed, I breathe.
Looking at the time, oh what time is it?
It’s 4:16 am and I am wide awake.
Staring at the ceiling, oh what is it?

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Wait, was it all a dream or is this real?
It was like a dream, that’s what I feel.
A long dream, or was it even a nightmare?
I don’t even have anymore thoughts to spare.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

The ceiling fan spinning at a constant speed.
Well, not like what we had when we started.
Even my heartbeat was at a constant speed.
Well, not like what I felt when we started.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Gripping the blanket tightly,
forcing myself to go to sleep.
I can’t even make myself weep,
just staring the ceiling continuously.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Ha. You disgust me.
There, I said it.
I scoffed.
Wow. You disgust me.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Oh hey let’s see what time it is.
It’s 4:26 am and I am wide awake.
How long are you gonna keep this?
Hup, hup, come on it’s time to wake.

Wakey, wakey.
______________________________
“I know the truth now,
I know who you are,
and I don’t love you anymore,”
– Evanescence “Everybody’s Fool”

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Wide Awake

Prickling Needles

Every step I take it feels like I’m walking on needles.
Step by step, it only hurts a little,
but then the wounds would not heal.
And all I can do is try not to feel.

Where should I go this time,
where should I walk to?
I want to see you later sometime,
but really will I be able to?

Every breath I take it feels like I’m inhaling needles.
It stabs through the heart but only a little,
but the deeper I breathe in, the more painful it feels,
please say it, tell me all of this is not real…
__________________________________
Say you love me again,
instead of saying her name.

Prickling Needles

Dark Night

The night is cold and lonely,
the darkness makes it hard to see.
But there’s warmth when you’re within,
just as warm as the touch of your skin.

Quietly enveloping its arms around you,
wasn’t sure if you felt it too.
But the night does not even wonder,
because at your touch, it felt better.

I walk alone in the streets,
because I can’t stand being alone in the sheets.
The sheets that still smells of you,
and the scent that won’t go away too.

The night is getting colder,
never realised I’m getting older.
How many days since it has passed?
Feels like my mind is in the past.

I’m not the spotlight, I’m just a shadow,
always behind you to watch you grow.
So when you look back, I’ll always be there,
to keep you away from your nightmare.

A shadow who will never walk away,
A shadow who will never let you astray.
In the dark night I will hold you tight,
like a silent knight protecting you with all my might.

___________________________________
Because I’m just a shadow.

Dark Night

Drown Me

Drown me.
In my dreams.
In these tunes.

It’s hard to breathe so let it be over.

Blast the drums in my ears.
So I can’t hear the sound of my fears.
And I can’t feel my own tears.

Tell me why is it so hard to breathe.

Shout and scream it out loud.
So I can’t hear my brain pound.
When I’m high above the cloud.

Let me crawl out of this skin to feel alive.

Please, someone scream to me,
so I can’t hear these thoughts in me.
Drown me.
____________________________________
An object is only the strongest at its weakest point.

Drown Me

Shattered

I’m floating endlessly in the air,
holding a broken piece of glass tightly in my hands.
Looking at the world that doesn’t care,
because the world doesn’t bow to my demands.

I was clinging on to the world,

so I don’t fly away again.
But when everyone told me to let go,
I released and float away again.

I brought a souvenir with me,
a broken piece that reminds me,
that I have loved so hard,
and I have played the same old part.

The sun is shining and it still reminds me of your smile,
the air is plenty up here but I’m suffocating,
it’s okay, I’ll be okay for a while,
until the day this heart stops beating.

A laugh escaped my lips,
but a tear fell from my eyes.
I don’t know why I’m like this,
but you are where my loyalty lies.

Maybe someday I’ll drop this broken piece of glass,
when my hands are too weak to hold.
And I hope this pain won’t last,
because that’s what I was told.

My hair is getting longer,
maybe this time I’ll keep it again.
It’s a wish that sometime later,
we might be able to see each other again.

Until that time,
let me float away,
floating where the wind blows me,
and heal my bleeding hands this way.

Shattered