A Letter From the Future

Dear 18-years-old me,

How are you?
I hope things have been well with you.
I am you, 10 years in the future.
I’ve only recently turned 28, so I thought I would write this letter to you, maybe we can sit down and have a nice chat over a cup of hazelnut latte.

First of all, you’d still love this drink. However, you will also start to learn how to love earl grey tea and even cocktails.

Secondly, congratulations on making it into the start of your adulthood. I know you have gone through a lot in the previous years. Unlike what you thought back then, I can guarantee you you’d still make it past the age of 25.

I know you think you have learned a lot from life and you know a lot of stuff, but I will try to convince you to be humble and keep learning. Not just from books or online, but also from the people around you. It is okay for you not to know about everything yet, because we will never know about everything.

I’d also like to let you know that you will go through some soul-searching journeys. You will live freely and unapologetically, just like how you have always wanted. You would explore everything and colour your hair firetruck red, just like how you have always wanted. You will eat, shop, travel, and dance however you wanted. You will be amazed at how many of your friends actually would stick through your antics, because they are amazing friends.

You will also learn how to apologise, because sorry is the hardest word. But by the time you learned how to apologise, you have lived freely and selfishly enough. You have also hurt some people along the way, unintentionally. You will learn that owning up to your mistakes and accepting your flaws is incredibly difficult, but you will find that others are surprisingly very forgiving.

You will learn how to share and forgive others. I know, I know it’s hard. I mean, you never had any siblings close to your age to share your stuff with. You will learn how to have a sister – especially how to share, give, and protect her.

For the next few years, you will still have those insecurities about your body. I know, this one was a tough one. In fact, I’m still actively working on this one. But so you know, what if instead of hating on your body, punishing it, and wishing that you will be slimmer, you can actually learn to love it, and exercise because you love it. Shocking, huh? There are actually so many things you can thank your body for. For it’s sturdiness, flexibility, and strength. Until now, your bones are never broken, you never needed to be hospitalised, you can still enjoy dancing, and you will always be able to find your size in stores. You will learn that you are quite privileged, so you can learn to be more humble.

I know you have had your fair share of heartbreaks, but believe me when I say you will learn a lot more. You will learn that your previous feelings of love was only because you wanted someone to fill in the big hole you had in your heart. You were not crazy, you were looking for love in the wrong places. But, from the heartbreak you will also learn how to appreciate and respect yourself more.

Last but not least, you will learn how to love and how to receive love. Not like how you have always been trying to do, but to truly love. You will learn to sacrifice and to listen to others better. You will no longer need to try to survive by prioritising your needs over others, but you will learn to thrive and give to others. Remember what papa said, whatever you give will come back to you. I promise you, there is someone who will return your love. It does not grow overnight, and you will go through many hurdles to be with this person. But you will find that this person is worth everything.

So I would like to tell you to keep pushing through. You are a stronger person than you think you are. Throw away that knife and never take them again because they will do you no good and you will not find love that way. Learn to fall in love with yourself, flaws and all. I’ll be waiting for you in 10 years’ time.

Yours sincerely,

You.

______________________

And also you will be working at your dream job but hey I don’t want to spoil the fun.

A Letter From the Future

Soliloquy

I understand.
When you said it feels lonely.
I understand.
We’ve never wiped each other’s tears.

Like you said,
you only have me.
But you need to know,
I only have you, too.

So why aren’t we hugging more?
Hell, why aren’t we fighting more?
Why don’t we try harder and get closer?
In the end, we both just don’t want to get hurt.

Maybe I am trying to create a fight.
Maybe I am trying to piss you off.
Maybe I am looking for your attention.
Maybe I am wanting to be closer to you.

But I guess I’m not doing it right.
Because as far as I can see,
Your wall gets even higher than before,
surrounded by an unbreakable spell I can’t speak.

________________________

So what’s left for me to do?

Soliloquy

Clench

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

What if I say I’m not fine?
What if I hurt their feelings?
What if I am seen as selfish?

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

Well I have to be okay.
Just clench and deal with it.
It’s not important.

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

I want to whine.
I want to breakdown.
I want to cry.

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

Stop it, you’re being selfish now.
Just go to sleep.
It will be okay tomorrow.

“I guess I will be fine,”
slowly exhaling deeply,
releasing my tension.

______________________________
I just wanted to hear that it’s okay for me to breakdown for a mere 5 seconds. And a hug.

Clench

Innocence

Hey there, little girl.
You may think you’re not doing well,
and the world is going against you.
Keep holding on,
you will get there.
It won’t be an easy path,
you will have your heart ripped out,
stepped on,
broken into pieces,
to the point you feel numb.
You will learn to fight,
to forgive,
and to let go.
They can forcibly take your flower crown,
but don’t let them take your innocence.

Innocence

Love

Nothing says love more than
simply being there
for someone who is crying their insecurities out on the floor
at 3 A.M.
bearing their pain
that is silence broken by the sound of their tears
knowing that this won’t be their last breakdown
and you choose to stay.
__________________________________
attraction brings you in,
but love makes you stay

Love

(Im)perfection.

Perfection, flawless, impeccable.
Unrealistic and unattainable.

Mistakes and flaws.
Gripping my heart like claws.

Until when will I punish myself?

This perfection obsession,
hazed my reflection.

Is the mirror dirty or is my brain cloudy?

The more I avoid making mistakes,
the more I make mistakes.

What do I do after the mistakes are made?

Acknowledge and learn.
_________________________________________________________
I’m perfection in my imperfection.

(Im)perfection.

Words

We are blessed with words.
To express, to communicate.
Much stronger than swords.
To retaliate, to reciprocate.

An extension of our thoughts.
An expression of our feelings.

Words bring people closer,
words bring people apart.
Words to lure people in,
words to push people out.

So why are words mightier than swords?
Because it’s the abstract product of thoughts.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, race in our minds.
Words, words, words, jump out from our thoughts.

Then silence.
Cue brain process.

Action-reaction.

Words are perceived.
Perceptions are processed in thoughts.
Thoughts are delivered in words.

The Möbius strip.

Words are free to be written,
words are free to be interpreted.
But words will never ever represent a human being.

Humans are more than descriptive words.
Angry words, venomous words, sad words,
happy words, gleeful words, love words.

And words are my only weapon.
To use well to spread love and kindness.
Or to use poorly to spread venomous hate.

So these are my words.
____________________________________
To celebrate my 100th post.

Words