Soliloquy

I understand.
When you said it feels lonely.
I understand.
We’ve never wiped each other’s tears.

Like you said,
you only have me.
But you need to know,
I only have you, too.

So why aren’t we hugging more?
Hell, why aren’t we fighting more?
Why don’t we try harder and get closer?
In the end, we both just don’t want to get hurt.

Maybe I am trying to create a fight.
Maybe I am trying to piss you off.
Maybe I am looking for your attention.
Maybe I am wanting to be closer to you.

But I guess I’m not doing it right.
Because as far as I can see,
Your wall gets even higher than before,
surrounded by an unbreakable spell I can’t speak.

________________________

So what’s left for me to do?

Soliloquy

Clench

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

What if I say I’m not fine?
What if I hurt their feelings?
What if I am seen as selfish?

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

Well I have to be okay.
Just clench and deal with it.
It’s not important.

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

I want to whine.
I want to breakdown.
I want to cry.

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

Stop it, you’re being selfish now.
Just go to sleep.
It will be okay tomorrow.

“I guess I will be fine,”
slowly exhaling deeply,
releasing my tension.

______________________________
I just wanted to hear that it’s okay for me to breakdown for a mere 5 seconds. And a hug.

Clench

Innocence

Hey there, little girl.
You may think you’re not doing well,
and the world is going against you.
Keep holding on,
you will get there.
It won’t be an easy path,
you will have your heart ripped out,
stepped on,
broken into pieces,
to the point you feel numb.
You will learn to fight,
to forgive,
and to let go.
They can forcibly take your flower crown,
but don’t let them take your innocence.

Innocence

Love

Nothing says love more than
simply being there
for someone who is crying their insecurities out on the floor
at 3 A.M.
bearing their pain
that is silence broken by the sound of their tears
knowing that this won’t be their last breakdown
and you choose to stay.
__________________________________
attraction brings you in,
but love makes you stay

Love

(Im)perfection.

Perfection, flawless, impeccable.
Unrealistic and unattainable.

Mistakes and flaws.
Gripping my heart like claws.

Until when will I punish myself?

This perfection obsession,
hazed my reflection.

Is the mirror dirty or is my brain cloudy?

The more I avoid making mistakes,
the more I make mistakes.

What do I do after the mistakes are made?

Acknowledge and learn.
_________________________________________________________
I’m perfection in my imperfection.

(Im)perfection.

Words

We are blessed with words.
To express, to communicate.
Much stronger than swords.
To retaliate, to reciprocate.

An extension of our thoughts.
An expression of our feelings.

Words bring people closer,
words bring people apart.
Words to lure people in,
words to push people out.

So why are words mightier than swords?
Because it’s the abstract product of thoughts.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, race in our minds.
Words, words, words, jump out from our thoughts.

Then silence.
Cue brain process.

Action-reaction.

Words are perceived.
Perceptions are processed in thoughts.
Thoughts are delivered in words.

The Möbius strip.

Words are free to be written,
words are free to be interpreted.
But words will never ever represent a human being.

Humans are more than descriptive words.
Angry words, venomous words, sad words,
happy words, gleeful words, love words.

And words are my only weapon.
To use well to spread love and kindness.
Or to use poorly to spread venomous hate.

So these are my words.
____________________________________
To celebrate my 100th post.

Words

Mirror Cracks

In between the cracks of the mirror I look at myself,
the shattered pieces make me look incomplete.
I touch it, carefully not to hurt myself,
but obviously, this broken mirror is obsolete.

What’s the use of looking at a broken mirror?
The broken reflection is not me.

“Stop touching it, the shattered pieces will hurt you.”

I hit the mirror with my fists.
The pieces fall, shattering and crumbling onto the floor.
They glint beautifully like sparkles.
And now what’s left is an open door.

My hands are bleeding from the shards,
but now I can replace it with a new mirror.

So I can stop seeing myself on a broken mirror,
and start seeing who I really am.

Let the broken mirror be replaced with a shiny new one,
so in the reflection I will be the only one.

_______________________________
and in the reflection I can see myself that I know.

Mirror Cracks