Perfection, flawless, impeccable.
Unrealistic and unattainable.

Mistakes and flaws.
Gripping my heart like claws.

Until when will I punish myself?

This perfection obsession,
hazed my reflection.

Is the mirror dirty or is my brain cloudy?

The more I avoid making mistakes,
the more I make mistakes.

What do I do after the mistakes are made?

Acknowledge and learn.
I’m perfection in my imperfection.



Remembering all the familiar names,
Recognising all the familiar faces.

What I call “Friends”.
Some are “Ex-lovers”.
Some are “Best friends”.
Some are even “Family”.

Some I have known from school.
Some since I was younger.
Some I have met recently.
Some I have never even met.

Any of them could be a murderer.
Any of them could be psychologically disturbed.

Everyone has psychopathic tendencies.
It just takes a trigger.
One, sweet, little trigger.
That put those thoughts into action.

To put it simply, how much can you really know about someone?

How many steps ahead can you be?
How familiar are you with those close to you?

You may know their habits and their life stories,
but how much do you know what is going on in their heads when they talk to you?

What if sometimes they imagine how crunchy your neck will snap in their hands?
What if sometimes they imagine how smooth the knife will glide against your skin?
What if sometimes they imagine how bloody it will be when they smash your head against the wall?

What if one day, something pulled the trigger and they unleash their psychopathic thoughts on you?

How much can you really trust someone?
How much can we believe in other people?


Obviously I’ve been watching Gone, Girl and also How to Get Away with Murder too much.



Something just fascinates me so much about heights.
Not just the thrill, but also the beauty.
It pumps the adrenaline, yet it calms you down at the same time.
On top of the building, you see things that you can’t see while standing on the ground.
You see a larger view of the world, like you’re standing on top of it.
The wind feels nicer on top, so take a deeper breath.
Don’t fall just now!
No…not yet.
This height is nothing compared to 12,000 feet above the ground.

Yes…let me take you even higher.

From 12,000 feet, the wind is rough and cold.
Yet the view is unbelievably breathtaking. Almost quite literally.
It would be hard to breathe.
You won’t be able to scream.
Now you jump.
Yes…just jump. Throw yourself out of that plane.
Spread your arms and enjoy the view.
The emerald sea and the spherical horizon around you.
So serene, so peaceful, you forget that there are people down there.
Forget the adrenaline, everything is so peaceful and quiet.

Enjoy your free fall.

Where you will land, who knows?


Suddenly missing my skydive experience.


I’ve been slacking off…

I deserved to be punched in the face for slacking off on this blog. ;___; I’ve recorded (and edited) a video to catch up about everything I haven’t told you guys for the past few months…yet I haven’t uploaded it onto YouTube. I will. Soon. It’s going to be a long video, too. 

TL;DR, I’m back in Indonesia for a while (just got back last week). I’m still waiting for any news about the Masters degree, fingers crossed I’ll get it so I can go back and stay in Brisbane. And VIXX is ruining my life and I can’t focus on anything that is not VIXX-related right now. 

Just thought I’d let you know that. I’m still alive. I promise to post up the super long video by the end of this week. 

I’ve been slacking off…

My Dreams Saga #3: Weird Pre-exam Dreams

Sorry for the lack of updates, like I said, I had my 1st exam of the semester this morning at 8 am (heck, I’ve been waking up at 11am for the past few months…) so I was determined to sleep early, like before midnight kind of early so I can wake up at 6 and have time to kick-start my brain before the actual exam. With this kind of thought in my head before I went to sleep, of course I was in for a weird dream (or two). This reminds me of how some of my friends have dreams that they wake up late for the exam and this causes them to actually wake up on time (with anxiety tho…so it’s not a pleasant feeling at all). That was not the case last night. As usual, I had two epic dreams that I could not put together in one storyline.

The first dream I had was about Hongbin. He’s a member of a K-pop boyband called VIXX, and I’ve been obsessed about him lately so I was pretty certain he would show up in my dreams soon. Oh and he looked like this in the dream:



Credit: on the photo

He surprisingly had the similar jacket on and the same hairstyle as the one in the photo, which is to be honest, not my favourite look from him, because I still prefer him with long hair.  Anyways, he’s actually one year younger than me (I was born in 1992, him in 1993), so in my dreams he was my junior in the university. The thing was that, I was already in the Masters program, and he was just about to graduate. For some reasons I didn’t even know, I was the one who handled the applications for the Masters program scholarships (this is just weird…). So he approached me and asked about the scholarship, and we basically just talked a lot in my dreams so there was nothing really special going on, really. 

Then I woke up at 4.50 am, so I decided to go to sleep again, while hoping something interesting would happen between Hongbin and I…because I sometimes can continue my dreams from where it left off like that hahaha. Fate decided to give me an epic dream instead. 

The second part of the dream involved Hugh Jackman (where did Hongbin go??), whom I don’t mind at all because I love him. The dream evolved to be about an epic adventure…in RUSSIA. My dream was just exactly like a generic Hollywood spy movie, with Hugh Jackman as the spy and me as the sidekick/sexy lady companion (ha I wish)/the one he needs to save. There were a lot of shootings and running involved, with Hugh Jackman holding my hand the whole time (except for the part where he tried to jump into a pool in an abandoned building to hide from our enemies…only to find that the pool was like ocean-deep and there were sharks inside lol). I think in one of the moments we were jumping from roofs to roofs, I finally woke up. 

So those were practically my two weird dreams I had before an exam. The exam went incredibly well, by the way. Just one more to go and I’m a free (wo)man! So, do you guys ever had weird dreams before an important exam or placement tests?

My Dreams Saga #3: Weird Pre-exam Dreams

Positive Correlation Between Creativity Sparks and Assignment Deadline / Exam

I don’t know why, but this is one of my worst habits ever since I moved to Brisbane. The closer it gets to an assignment deadline or an exam, the more creativity sparks I get in my head. WHY.

I baked some banana bread this morning (read: 1 pm, because I woke up at 12 pm today, so it was still morning to me) just because last night I watched VIXX trying to bake some banana bread and failed. I remembered that I have two incredibly ripe bananas (please don’t encourage me to write some innuendos here…), so I figured, why the hell not. It turned out pretty amazing. I’m guessing tomorrow I’ll make chocolate banana macarons.

My exams are in less than 2 weeks and I haven’t made any attempt to do some proper studying. Can someone kill me now?

Positive Correlation Between Creativity Sparks and Assignment Deadline / Exam

My Dreams Saga #2: Choi Siwon was My Husband

I have no idea why I kept having dreams about relationships, but this one is hilarious because it kind of follows my epic photo with Choi Siwon. Image

If you have no idea who he is, he’s one of the members of Super Junior (the K-pop group). I took this photo quite a while ago out of boredom and creativity sparks. Anyways, in my (relatively short but epic) dreams last night, he was my husband. The dream mostly involved normal marriage life during the beginning…and then it changed into Freaky Friday sort of thing.

Yes, in my dreams, because we had a fight, Siwon and I switched bodies (involuntarily, of course). So in the middle part towards the end of the dream, I was in Siwon’s body, and he was in mine. It was an indescribable feeling, but I liked it. He panicked more than I did, I actually quite enjoyed the time I spent in his body, being handsome and rugged and all that. Apparently he didn’t enjoy having boobs. 

Then the journey continued to “trying to get back into our own bodies”. He literally asked everyone how to get back to his own body, until this powerful witch came along and brought us back to normal. Bummer. Then I woke up.

My Dreams Saga #2: Choi Siwon was My Husband