“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

What if I say I’m not fine?
What if I hurt their feelings?
What if I am seen as selfish?

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

Well I have to be okay.
Just clench and deal with it.
It’s not important.

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

I want to whine.
I want to breakdown.
I want to cry.

“I’m fine,”
while clenching my fists,
clenching my teeth.

Stop it, you’re being selfish now.
Just go to sleep.
It will be okay tomorrow.

“I guess I will be fine,”
slowly exhaling deeply,
releasing my tension.

I just wanted to hear that it’s okay for me to breakdown for a mere 5 seconds. And a hug.


Tick Tock

Tick. Tock.
can’t sleep.
Tick. Tock.
can’t breathe.
chaos chaos chaos
in my brain?
or wait.
is it in my heart?
chaos chaos chaos
like a tangled spiderweb.
chaos chaos chaos
fire in the hole!
then drowning.
Tick. Tock.
what the fuck am I even on about.

Tick Tock


Amongst the still-glimmering stars in the night sky,

You came like a shooting star.

With an intensity so high,

Aiming to travel far.

You may be brief but you were bright,

Although your time has passed I remember your light.


Even though the world was unjust,

You have no more worries, you’re a stardust.


Her Eyes

She worked a job with no past experience,
no university degrees to help her excel,
devoting her life to raise good people,
trying to make just a little difference.

She’s a human being with flaws,
but she’s only doing her best.
She always says she is blessed,
because she has me as her cause.

We agree on some things,
about people and spreading kindness.
We disagree on many things,
about the world and about ourselves.

Emotions are hard to keep,
even though we try hard to ignore.
In silence she did not weep,
but the weight of pain in her eyes she bore.

In her flaws she is still perfection,
as no one could have done her job better than her.
She guided me in to the right direction,
even though I end up in a different place from her.

In her eyes there was still disappointment,
not of me, but of herself.
Despite her flaws, she did nothing wrong,
and there are no reasons for me to be gone.

She is weeping silently through her eyes,
but I only pray to God, someday please bring back her smile.

Even if the rest of my life is an atonement
for breaking her heart.

Her Eyes

Slip Away

Like these drops of water on the palm of my hands,
everyone is slipping away.
This wasn’t part of the plans,
much to my dismay.

The question is not “what happened?”,
but rather “why don’t they stay?”
Because now that it’s mentioned,
From me…I, too, would walk away.

I’m a tough wall with no ears,
I’m a soft ball with the tears.
And this further confirms my fears,
that I will be lonely in many years.

Maybe I am not good enough,
maybe I am undeserving.
Maybe I am rough,
maybe I am annoying.

If God is taking people away from me, maybe I never deserved them in the first place.

Slip Away

Mental Conversations

“Welcome to your first session. What has been bothering you lately?”


“What about them?”

“I don’t know,”

“Do you have some?”


“So why has it been bothering you?”

“Because I woke up after a long dream and realised that I know nothing,”


“What do I know? What do I not know?”

“And that has been bothering you?”

*shrugs* “I guess,”

“Have you talked it out?”

*shakes head* “I don’t know how,”

“How to…?”

“How to talk to them,”

“Well first, what would you like to know?”

“If our laughs were real,”

“Maybe they were real at that time,”

“I guess,”

“What else would you like to know?”

“Will we be able to laugh again in the future?”

“You will always be able to laugh with someone, anyone, even with another person, a better person,”

“I guess,”

“What is the last thing that you would like to know?”

“What do they speak of me when I’m not listening?”

but the answer is only silence.

Mental Conversations

I’m Sorry

These lips have said it a million times,
but they can only hope you ears won’t get tired.
I know sometimes all I can do is apologise,
and pray that your heart won’t get tired.

I’m sorry.
For repeating the same mistakes.
For unintentionally hurting you with my ignorance.
For being so goddamn clueless.

I’m sorry.
For being a lot to handle.
For being so selfish.
For being incompetent in loving you right.

I can’t afford to let you slip away through my fingers again.
Because then the sunshowers were thunderstorms instead.
I will do my best to heal your pain,
and I hope I won’t be the one giving you pain instead.

This is us. This is we. This is ours.

Let me love you right.

I’m Sorry