I’m Sorry

These lips have said it a million times,
but they can only hope you ears won’t get tired.
I know sometimes all I can do is apologise,
and pray that your heart won’t get tired.

I’m sorry.
For repeating the same mistakes.
For unintentionally hurting you with my ignorance.
For being so goddamn clueless.

I’m sorry.
For being a lot to handle.
For being so selfish.
For being incompetent in loving you right.

I can’t afford to let you slip away through my fingers again.
Because then the sunshowers were thunderstorms instead.
I will do my best to heal your pain,
and I hope I won’t be the one giving you pain instead.

This is us. This is we. This is ours.

Let me love you right.

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I’m Sorry

Wide Awake

Lying on the edge of my bed, I breathe.
Looking at the time, oh what time is it?
It’s 4:16 am and I am wide awake.
Staring at the ceiling, oh what is it?

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Wait, was it all a dream or is this real?
It was like a dream, that’s what I feel.
A long dream, or was it even a nightmare?
I don’t even have anymore thoughts to spare.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

The ceiling fan spinning at a constant speed.
Well, not like what we had when we started.
Even my heartbeat was at a constant speed.
Well, not like what I felt when we started.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Gripping the blanket tightly,
forcing myself to go to sleep.
I can’t even make myself weep,
just staring the ceiling continuously.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Ha. You disgust me.
There, I said it.
I scoffed.
Wow. You disgust me.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Oh hey let’s see what time it is.
It’s 4:26 am and I am wide awake.
How long are you gonna keep this?
Hup, hup, come on it’s time to wake.

Wakey, wakey.
______________________________
“I know the truth now,
I know who you are,
and I don’t love you anymore,”
– Evanescence “Everybody’s Fool”

Wide Awake

Your Fool

That beautiful facade,
I foolishly fell in love with.
Oh, honey, I am a fool.
But god damn it I’m your fool.

I look in the mirror and I laugh,
“How did you get so far off?”
So far deep, deep down,
wearing the fool’s crown?

Laugh, laugh, laugh.
Admit it, this is funny.

Your chaos behind your facade.
How much time do you have before you fall apart?

Accept it, this is a domino game.
The stack of cards won’t stop falling over.
If you seriously think this is a game,
shouldn’t it be time that it’s game over?

If I have a question to ask more,
do you even know yourself anymore?
_____________________________________
“Without the mask,
where will you hide?
Can’t find yourself,
lost in your lies,”
– Evanescence “Everybody’s Fool”

Your Fool

Laugh It Out

Funny how the world works,
but when I see it again,
I guess I’ll laugh it off,
and I won’t feel any pain.

Hahaha! Laugh it out!

Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me
Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be?

Fool me thrice, I’m disgusted with you,
but I guess it was alright because I loved you.

I cried enough,
but these tears are for me.
I know it is tough,
but damn I love me.

And no one can love me more than I do.

_____________________

Just what we all need,
more lies about the world that
never was and never will be
have you no shame? Don’t you see me?
You know you’ve got everybody fooled.
-Evanescence, “Everybody’s Fool”

Laugh It Out

Prickling Needles

Every step I take it feels like I’m walking on needles.
Step by step, it only hurts a little,
but then the wounds would not heal.
And all I can do is try not to feel.

Where should I go this time,
where should I walk to?
I want to see you later sometime,
but really will I be able to?

Every breath I take it feels like I’m inhaling needles.
It stabs through the heart but only a little,
but the deeper I breathe in, the more painful it feels,
please say it, tell me all of this is not real…
__________________________________
Say you love me again,
instead of saying her name.

Prickling Needles