Soliloquy

I understand.
When you said it feels lonely.
I understand.
We’ve never wiped each other’s tears.

Like you said,
you only have me.
But you need to know,
I only have you, too.

So why aren’t we hugging more?
Hell, why aren’t we fighting more?
Why don’t we try harder and get closer?
In the end, we both just don’t want to get hurt.

Maybe I am trying to create a fight.
Maybe I am trying to piss you off.
Maybe I am looking for your attention.
Maybe I am wanting to be closer to you.

But I guess I’m not doing it right.
Because as far as I can see,
Your wall gets even higher than before,
surrounded by an unbreakable spell I can’t speak.

________________________

So what’s left for me to do?

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Soliloquy

Prayer

A little girl prays on her knees,
begging to God that one day she will be cherished.
She prayed that as her hair grows to her knees,
her love would also have flourished.

After years, her dreams were shattered,
her heart was hurt,
its pieces were scattered,
her hair was cut short.

She hated God.

For years her hair was kept short,
and she built herself a fort.
She took herself for a fool,
oh how could God be so cruel?

She was told that she was worthless.
She believed that she was undeserving.

A worthless woman, undeserving of love.

So many people God took away from her,
He told her to patiently wait.
Then He sent a man to her,
a man who is set to be her fate.

A man who would cherish her.

As she grows her hair again,
her love will reign,
her love will not go in vain.
_________________________________
Because he made her believe in love and God again.

Prayer

It’s Okay

No one has a straight path to walk on,
obstacles and turns come in your way,
until you have no more strength to carry on,
believe that you are already on the right way,

Right now other paths may seem brighter,
but other paths may not be better,
so don’t let anyone else’s path become a bother,
because they don’t shine as bright as the light at the end of your path.

People talk crap, people misunderstand,
and envious stares from the other paths that don’t see your fight.
Believe me, they wouldn’t know what is right,
don’t fall into their trap, they just won’t understand.

Even if you break down and take a step backward,
it’s okay.
Know that your fight will never betray you.

________________________________
Because those with the most obstacles in their path get the most happiness in return.

It’s Okay

2014

Floating around the ocean of emotions,
I wished that the strong wave would take me back ashore.
To wherever I was before I jumped into the ocean.
But the fact is, I’m still floating here.

I can’t go back.

All I can do is swim ahead and find another land.

I was floating around the ocean.
No safety belts, no life jackets.
Just waves and waves crushing down on me.
Taking me to places and trying to drown me.

The ocean had calmed down and I have seen the land far front.
However, I can also see the upcoming surge of waves ahead.
This time, I have to swim hard and strong, swimming against the waves.
So I can be ashore again.

_________________________________
It was the year I lost myself.
I lost sight of who I was.
I didn’t go through a roller coaster of emotions.
At least, if I was on a roller coaster, I would have my safety belt.
No matter how rough and twisted the tracks were,
I would still be seated safely.

2014

Colpo di Scena

Starring multi-faceted characters.
Seemingly predictable.

Scenes were to unfold innocently.
Developments were not to be complicated.

The plot was supposedly predictable.
Any audience would have guessed the ending.

Nothing is ever what they seem.

The past was supposed to stay in the past.
It came and clashed with the present.

The past was impossible, we knew that.
Hence the past was given up and no longer a part of the present.

The present is not what it seems.
It is the biggest plot twist in the story.

Colpo di Scena.

Innocence is an illusion.
Vision could only reach the visage.
Serenity is only a semblance.
Fear is hidden behind the façade.

Colpo di Scena

Lady of Fantasy

DSC_8188

I’m your lady of fantasy.
I can be everything you need me to be.
Being with me is easy.
Just close your eyes and set yourself free.

I’m your escape from reality.
I can help you form a happy memory.
Being sad is not the way to be.
Just visit me in my land of fantasy.

You’re my only guest here.
In our little soirée,
We only speak the language of the body.
Don’t worry, love, we are free.

Hitched breaths and muffled moans are our currency,
Fast or slow, doesn’t matter what the pace is,
As long as I can dig my fingernails onto your skin,
And whisper how much I love you into your ears.

There, awaits the lady of reality.
She, who said you can’t stay with me.
Please, choose her instead of me.
As I’m only your lady of fantasy.

I will never be your lady of reality.
_______________________________________
Even if I want to, you won’t want me to.

Lady of Fantasy

A•byss (əˈbɪs) – n. a deep, immeasurable space or cavity; vast chasm.

I’ve been living my life walking on a thin thread between love and logic,
Constantly trying to balance myself just so I won’t fall.
I can only try to stand tall,
and avoid the life trap that is tragic.

The balancing rod I am holding,
is something I call ‘friend’.
They help me to get a grip of where I am standing,
keeping my stand so I won’t bend.

I once almost fell to the pit of love,
hanging hopelessly on the thin thread with one hand, holding the balancing rod on the other.
I gripped my balancing rod tightly, trying to climb up above,
I pushed myself so that I was hanging no further.

Re-adjusting my balance, I walked forward.
Through the mist of uncertainty,
to get to the future of the unknown.

I’m slipping slowly to the pit of logic,
to the heartlessness that is so toxic.
Slowly becoming a machine,
surely becoming a heartless queen.

I once almost fell to the pit of joyous foolishness,
I’m slipping slowly to the pit of mechanical sanctuary.

Along this thin thread I’m walking on,
Even though I’m avoiding the pits of love and logic,
I am already in the abyss.
Should I be safe or should I be a fool?

A•byss (əˈbɪs) – n. a deep, immeasurable space or cavity; vast chasm.