When you said it feels lonely.
We’ve never wiped each other’s tears.
Like you said,
you only have me.
But you need to know,
I only have you, too.
So why aren’t we hugging more?
Hell, why aren’t we fighting more?
Why don’t we try harder and get closer?
In the end, we both just don’t want to get hurt.
Maybe I am trying to create a fight.
Maybe I am trying to piss you off.
Maybe I am looking for your attention.
Maybe I am wanting to be closer to you.
But I guess I’m not doing it right.
Because as far as I can see,
Your wall gets even higher than before,
surrounded by an unbreakable spell I can’t speak.
So what’s left for me to do?
As I close the door
to set my steps on the world
I took a glance back
but was more excited on the view of what was coming
I have wandered
I have challenged
I have been afraid
I have been curious
I have their faith
I have their trust
Every step forward I have taken
has only been possible because of the safe security of home
Because no matter how far I go
Their love never cease to exist
Because I am blessed with the kindest home.
Clutching on my bag, I walk home,
The golden sky watches over my shoulder.
The gust of wind ensures that I’m not alone,
With each step I take, I get closer.
98, 99, 100
With home still out of sight,
Only birds and trees on the right,
Although the day is turning to night,
Nothing in my way can deter my might.
498, 499, 500
Some rocks have gotten into my shoes,
Scraping the soles of my foot,
But there have been more things I have withstood,
This far in I have nothing else to lose.
998, 999, 1000
I can hear the melody of your laughter,
I’m not there yet, but I can still roam,
Taking further steps to the next chapter,
Looking forward to the next time I go home.
You are my home.
My steps are heavy,
dragging across the land that is muddy,
soft rain trickles on me,
it bothers but I let it be.
In this seemingly endless wetlands,
no map of some sort in my hands,
just a bottle of water,
and faith that cannot falter.
For the flower on the precipice,
that brings me happiness.
It has a familiar appearance,
but unseen with the eyes.
For the flower that is mine
I just need a sign,
She worked a job with no past experience,
no university degrees to help her excel,
devoting her life to raise good people,
trying to make just a little difference.
She’s a human being with flaws,
but she’s only doing her best.
She always says she is blessed,
because she has me as her cause.
We agree on some things,
about people and spreading kindness.
We disagree on many things,
about the world and about ourselves.
Emotions are hard to keep,
even though we try hard to ignore.
In silence she did not weep,
but the weight of pain in her eyes she bore.
In her flaws she is still perfection,
as no one could have done her job better than her.
She guided me in to the right direction,
even though I end up in a different place from her.
In her eyes there was still disappointment,
not of me, but of herself.
Despite her flaws, she did nothing wrong,
and there are no reasons for me to be gone.
She is weeping silently through her eyes,
but I only pray to God, someday please bring back her smile.
Even if the rest of my life is an atonement
for breaking her heart.
Clanking my spoon mindlessly as I wait for my tea to steep,
all the sounds seem to pass through my sensory.
My brain is tired but my body refuses to sleep,
feels like my body is relentlessly burning energy.
What is it that I’m doing here?
The fairy lights twinkle its spark,
but the glow lights up none.
My brain is screaming to let it do its work,
but there is nothing to be done.
What is it that I’m doing here?
I went around asking everyone how they are,
I listen and listen just so I can cover up this hole.
I patch up the other’s scars,
hoping it helps them be whole.
But then what is it again that I’m doing here…?
Because the more I patch their holes, the deeper my hole becomes.
Not all words being spat out to you are venom.
They can only harm you if you perceive it so.
Sometimes the venom that you perceive and spit back out,
is also a venom for the person in front of you.
Sometimes you have to swallow your own words,
open your ears,
and start to listen. Properly.
Because right now you are doing nothing but eating your own words.
These words are not venom.